This entry is specially dedicated to my Tail

Tail,

We have known each other for 8 years and 1 month. Close to a decade already. Time really flies. I can still remember when we were at OCS training to be officers, running the SOC and the times when we hid in the pantry, eating tom yam maggi mee with P zai and underground, the times when we had mass orgy at my bunk, eating potato chips and snacks, until lao niang catch us, bingeing on Mar's hotel dinner buffet every weekend and yet not grow fat. (Hey, did you realise that my memories of the OCS days were all about food?

Then we graduated, posted to the respective airbases and each had own busy lives to run. Drifted apart and then fortunately was reunited and now we are as close as super glue - meeting each other for dinner and mj sessions with those two. I am so glad I have the three of u as my best buddies. We have been through shit, joy, and what not. But the important thing is we never fail to support and hold each other's hands during our troubled times.

Today, you have touched my heart again. Many a times, it is Porkie who has been motivating you and asking you to stay positive. BUT, today, you are the one who said all the motivating and comforting words. I feel that my labourious effort in encouraging you to be strong mentally has paid off and the fruits of my labour is exceptionally SWEET.

Thank you tail.

Baby in her mother's womb

Yesterday I sms-ed my tail telling her that I am feeling very tense and very demoralised these few days.

Just now, my tail called. I was so glad she called.

My floodgates opened and I poured out all the frustrations I have in me. Everything just came out of me and somehow I feel better. Maybe we just need that someone to share our feelings. My tail, she is always the one I can count on. Thank you, Tail.

I dunno if it is the outside world that is making me feel so disgruntled and fed up. Be it at work or over at BA. Last minute work, mad rush for things, poor logistic support, coordination etc etc. Maybe I am just with people emitting negative vibes?? Or maybe I am the source of negative vibes??!!

I have been looking forward to going home, to be with Brownie, my parents, K as well as my weekly gatherings with my usual buddies. It is like a baby back to the safety of her mother's womb, well protected and cared for and knowing that there will always be someone there, someone there for porkchop!

It is always like that ....!!!

This is so irritating. The project that I am involved in is always rushing. Rush to do up the questionnaires, rush to do the master, rush to upload. IT is always rush, rUSH and RUSH!!!

SO sick and tired of always having to rush. All the PIs do is to send out emails and then expect us to do it!!! Come on, if things are done in a hurried manner, mistakes are bound to be made and then who will get the shit??!!! Definitely not the PIs.

What is worst, at this stage some of the scales are not even finalised yet!!!!! I am really getting very pissed off with them.

Jump'in J

I met up with my mortal yesterday. Don't get me wrong, I am not dead ......I was just an angel to someone during a game we played during my previous company's orientation. I was her angel and she's my mortal and coincidentally, we share the same christian name, just spelt differently.

It was a short dinner appointment. We went to Pacific coffee after a good half an hour trying to find the way to the carpark and getting a lot for her car. We talk a lot......about our life, about her new biz enterprise .....somehow, like I always love to say, "Things happen for a reason."

There is a reason why 2 weeks ago, when I was on the bus, I decide to sms her asking if she has any opportunities for me. There is also a reason why, despite my financial constraints, decided to go to TW last month. There is a reason why I received many offers of "ECA" this month.

Was it to prepare myself for leaving the present organisation that I am in now?

Am I ready to Jump 'in?

Pig trotters crossed

POrkie have not been writing for some long. Went to BKK 2 weeks ago and when I came back, so many things happened.

Stressed out man!!!

- Trojan horse virus detected on 5th August.
- Went to BKK with brownie, tail, babu, underground, underground's mum, P zai and P zai's mum. Came back on 8th August.
- Server crash. Never back up any.

Things are starting to go back to normal now....keeping my pig trotters crossed!!!

Life, does it have any meaning?

What is the reason for our presence on this earth?

For ourselves, our loved ones, for money, for society, for food, for work, for fun, for religious purpose or because we don't have a choice cos we don't chose to be born?

Few nights ago, I was lying in bed, trying to imagine what it means to be dead. I stopped breathing, shut off all noise with my small pillow and laid still. As I laid down there, pretending to be dead, there was no longer a griping fear in my heart (I tried this exercise when I was in Primary school and I was so frightened that I cried). Why? Why was there a change in reaction? I thought to myself for days. Maybe because after 20 something years, I have live life, seen life, love life and experience life, many of my goals are fulfilled. But of course, I still have some unfulfilled ones but compared to when I was a kid.....*smile

All humans go through this cycle - we are born, we live and we died. Given this cycle, many of us chose death as a solution to our life problems. But what makes dying so frightening is that when you lay on your deathbed, you have regrets, you have goals unfulfilled. If goals are our reason for existence, why chose death if they are unfulfilled?

We should be glad that we are now standing on this planet, living in our community, and given a chance to fulfil our life goals. We must make our existence worth. Agree?

It is up to us to make meaning out of our life.

"The meaning of life is not to be discovered only after death in some hidden, mysterious realm; on the contrary, it can be found by eating the succulent fruit of the Tree of Life and by living in the here and now as fully and creatively as we can." - Paul Kurtz

I am so frustrated!!!

I am frustrated!!!!! Not at myself but at my fren. Argh....very pissed.

I have been talking to this fren of mine, trying to encourage her, trying to get her out of negativity. After half a year, I am on the verge of throwing the towel....please, XX, dun make me do that.

Anything and everything I say, she will reply with negative statements. " i don't know what to do," "I can't handle this," blah blah and many more..... She attributes it to her past, she is afraid of going through the same stage and clings on to a relationship unworthy of her attention.

C'mon, Life is just not about having a man....there are still so many things in this world to enjoy. If you want to see change, you MUST first be the change.

P.S. I hope she sees this entry. Hrmp!!