Utopia

Where on earth can you find a workplace where:
a) you can have brunch/lunch/tea anytime your stomach calls;
b) you can do your own readings at a leisurely pace in a library cafe sipping hot chocolate;
c) you can work in the comfort of your home (of cos with the PM's knowledge);
d) you can simply "nua" and still get paid ?

You must be thinking that PorkiE is building pig sty in the air again...No No No...this place does exist!! *grin

Because of such "perks", one tends to get too comfortable and the motivation to progress is somewhat lost. The opposite of "cheong" is "nua" I certainly do not want to be in such a scenario for too long. Because when you are too nua, you simply refuse to start your engine and get out of the comfort zone of nua-ness. End result? -->> Rotten!!

My good ole neighbour at work said, "this place is an utopia." Yes, I agree. But do you think that being an utopia also meant that the place is too unrealistic and bad for our mental development and progression? *ponders

Hey! what an irony.... cos this place is suppose to nuture future phd holders!!

Another venture

I won a digi cam during a lucky draw!!!

I've got an idea....I shall start a photo blog...I want to use words and pictures to capture my thoughts and feelings. A picture speaks a thousand words....This is getting so fun and something to keep me occupied now....

Stay tune for more xciting pics coming up!!!

PorkChop and PorkCUbes
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I wonder why??!!

5.20pm 16th Nov @ Colonel's office

I was in the midst of a discussion with Colonel when A came in. A told Colonel that he had forwarded a couple of emails to him. Colonel wanted to ask him more and ask if he could wait for a couple of minutes and his reply, a curt "No, I am going home now."

I caught a glimpse of helplessness on colonel's face. Hard not to have that type of feeling. Why? Imagine having to take care of the whole centre suddenly and his predecessor not very forthcoming with his help. I would feel sad too. Somehow the feeling I get when I see A and the feeling I get when A addressed us during a mass meeting 2 weeks ago is the same - He simply cannot be bothered now. In our Singlish, it is also termed as "bochup."

What caused the drastic change in this man? From an enthusiastic and charismatic one to one who is selfish and bochup.....i wonder why.....

Kudos to my bosses

October has been a tough month. Not because it is the traditional exam month but it was a month which I am presented with many choices and irregardless of which choice I made, it involves a hefty opportunity cost.

I have decided to stay on and pursue my higher degree. Why stay? Simply because my present bosses are really two wonderful beings. I am blessed to have them as my bosses.

Thank you and I would not let you guys down!!

Help....So many rainbows are falling...

Just last week, I was lamenting on when my rainbow will appear...suddenly, in a span of 4 days, 3 rainbows appeared.

a) Rainbow of Knowledge
My PHD application is accepted and IF I am willing, I should be able to start in Jan 06. Slog through at least 4 years of studies and graduate as a dR Porkie.
Point for consideration: More stats!!!!

b) Rainbow of Uncertainty
My fren from R knew about (a) and told their HR to bring fwd my interview at R. She told me that they are willing to sponsor my (overseas?) studies. Hmm....attractive.
Point for consideration: It's a contract position and most importantly, Am I game enough for lecturing?

c) Rainbow of Permanence
Got an interview letter from "Touch lives, make a difference." Three times lucky. Cos I rejected them twice. First time cos they were too slow in replying and second cos the compensation package wasn't right. But it is a permanent position and I like the job nature.
Point for consideration: Will it be right this time round?

Rainbow

Before the appearance of a rainbow, there must be rain. The white sunlight captured by thousands droplets of water and is refracted and reflected, forming rainbow.

I was feeling rather moody these few weeks. My life have been rather turbulent these few weeks- colleagues leaving one after another; being misunderstood when I am trying my best to be helpful etc etc. I was feeling lousy and still feeling lousy a few hours ago, can't do much work. Suddenly I remembered this lovely character in a TVB drama. She was born with congential heart disease, doctors told her she would not survive past a year but she did. She was a very positive person, cheerful and always smiling. She loves rainbows because they represent hope after a storm. No matter how gloomy, dark and cold the sky is now, have hope, a rainbow will soon appear. I know mine's coming soon. ;-)

No mood

Pork is not in the mood to do anything.

Good Service salesperson...where art thou?

I went to Anna Swee with Tail and Fly last night. Well...actually we wanted to go to Buy Baoluo and Joe cosmetics but too bad, I have no fate with the sales girl. She kept looking at our direction but did not open her mouth to ask if there is anything she could help and also to promote her products. So we ended up buying from the salesgirl at Anna Swee. She was friendly and attended to our requests and needs promptly...I ended up spending $126 and my tail $183. Not sure about fly. Fly, did you end up buying cosmetics too? *winkz

Alright, I confessed! I am a suck*r for good service. But who isn't? With the great emphasis on good service from the retail industry nowadays, I am even more particular about good services from them.

It is a very slow day

Today is Monday, 4 more days to weekend. Sigh...See so sad, I am counting down the days to weekend. I remembered sometime ago I wrote in one of the entries that we should not be wishing our days go by faster and we should cherish each and every day, live it to the fullest. Look at me now? Tsk tsk .....I am guilty of doing it now.

Very bad. I am really wasting away here in the centre. Yes, I still love the readings but cant bring myself to read. Sigh 3pm, 3 more hours before knocking off and I am close to being knocked out by the z monster.

*burp

Too much "me"

Just now was having a talk with XX, she was feeling very upset. Many small unhappiness in her life snowballing and it is like an avalanche coming down on her. She felt suffocated and lost. I know how she feels cos I was once like her. Having so many things come onto me at one go. Uncertainties, dilemma, worries, frustrations and bascially I had only one thought; to be alone in this world, free to do whatever I want. Seeing the tears in her eyes, on the verge of coming out, I feel like giving her a hug (but hor, we are in canteen lah). I know, sometimes, we just need a listening ear and a comforting shoulder.

Yesterday I was reading this buddhism book on the pathway to happiness. Coincidentally, it talks about anxiety pangs. Focusing too much on oneself causes anxiety pangs. "I" cherish my own freedom, time above all else. "I"e want to take care of myself, "I" want to be happy, "I" like this, "I" don't like this. Notice, "I" takes a centrestage. Anxiety, frustration and unhappiness arise because of too much focus on the "me" part. Our experience of a situation depends on how we view it and how we interpret. Nowadays, when I am faced with a problem, I will ask myself whether I can do something to solve it, if I can, then there is actually nothing to fret over and if I cant do anything to it, then getting anxious and upset also no use.

But always easier said than done. But I am trying my best best best. Till the next entry, folks!!

Is it a hint?

I am sitting in my office, staring at my lap top, totally exhausted after some data analysis. Eyes are tired and wanted a break. So I clicked onto the astrology website which Tealeaf recommended and started exploring.

Not an easy website to read cos it is all in Chinese (*Aiyoh, Mr Big is back and as usual makes so much noise, talking to himself. He is noisy and disturbing Porkie. Argh... having some problem concentrating now!) Ok, back to this website. I scroll down and spotted this section : Your star signs and career. Click, click...Porkie went into her star sign and started reading. Hey hey hey, it reads that porkie is suitable to be in the teaching line. A natural teacher because of their great sense of responsibilities. Hmm...just when I am at my career crossroad

*Porkie in deep thoughts.......

People in my Centre are just so unfriendly!!

What a rude start I had to my day!!

This morning, I read an email by my PM about having passwords for the 12 JCs in RWS. She stated the 6 schools, nothing was said about the other 6. Curious, I called one of my team mate from the project to ask if she knows.

Guess what her answer was? A hostile, curt reply in Chinese "I don't know!" I was taken aback and uttered a "huh?" She replied, this time in louder voice, the same remark.

Did I offended her? I definitely don't think so! Siao!

This entry is specially dedicated to my Tail

Tail,

We have known each other for 8 years and 1 month. Close to a decade already. Time really flies. I can still remember when we were at OCS training to be officers, running the SOC and the times when we hid in the pantry, eating tom yam maggi mee with P zai and underground, the times when we had mass orgy at my bunk, eating potato chips and snacks, until lao niang catch us, bingeing on Mar's hotel dinner buffet every weekend and yet not grow fat. (Hey, did you realise that my memories of the OCS days were all about food?

Then we graduated, posted to the respective airbases and each had own busy lives to run. Drifted apart and then fortunately was reunited and now we are as close as super glue - meeting each other for dinner and mj sessions with those two. I am so glad I have the three of u as my best buddies. We have been through shit, joy, and what not. But the important thing is we never fail to support and hold each other's hands during our troubled times.

Today, you have touched my heart again. Many a times, it is Porkie who has been motivating you and asking you to stay positive. BUT, today, you are the one who said all the motivating and comforting words. I feel that my labourious effort in encouraging you to be strong mentally has paid off and the fruits of my labour is exceptionally SWEET.

Thank you tail.

Baby in her mother's womb

Yesterday I sms-ed my tail telling her that I am feeling very tense and very demoralised these few days.

Just now, my tail called. I was so glad she called.

My floodgates opened and I poured out all the frustrations I have in me. Everything just came out of me and somehow I feel better. Maybe we just need that someone to share our feelings. My tail, she is always the one I can count on. Thank you, Tail.

I dunno if it is the outside world that is making me feel so disgruntled and fed up. Be it at work or over at BA. Last minute work, mad rush for things, poor logistic support, coordination etc etc. Maybe I am just with people emitting negative vibes?? Or maybe I am the source of negative vibes??!!

I have been looking forward to going home, to be with Brownie, my parents, K as well as my weekly gatherings with my usual buddies. It is like a baby back to the safety of her mother's womb, well protected and cared for and knowing that there will always be someone there, someone there for porkchop!

It is always like that ....!!!

This is so irritating. The project that I am involved in is always rushing. Rush to do up the questionnaires, rush to do the master, rush to upload. IT is always rush, rUSH and RUSH!!!

SO sick and tired of always having to rush. All the PIs do is to send out emails and then expect us to do it!!! Come on, if things are done in a hurried manner, mistakes are bound to be made and then who will get the shit??!!! Definitely not the PIs.

What is worst, at this stage some of the scales are not even finalised yet!!!!! I am really getting very pissed off with them.

Jump'in J

I met up with my mortal yesterday. Don't get me wrong, I am not dead ......I was just an angel to someone during a game we played during my previous company's orientation. I was her angel and she's my mortal and coincidentally, we share the same christian name, just spelt differently.

It was a short dinner appointment. We went to Pacific coffee after a good half an hour trying to find the way to the carpark and getting a lot for her car. We talk a lot......about our life, about her new biz enterprise .....somehow, like I always love to say, "Things happen for a reason."

There is a reason why 2 weeks ago, when I was on the bus, I decide to sms her asking if she has any opportunities for me. There is also a reason why, despite my financial constraints, decided to go to TW last month. There is a reason why I received many offers of "ECA" this month.

Was it to prepare myself for leaving the present organisation that I am in now?

Am I ready to Jump 'in?

Pig trotters crossed

POrkie have not been writing for some long. Went to BKK 2 weeks ago and when I came back, so many things happened.

Stressed out man!!!

- Trojan horse virus detected on 5th August.
- Went to BKK with brownie, tail, babu, underground, underground's mum, P zai and P zai's mum. Came back on 8th August.
- Server crash. Never back up any.

Things are starting to go back to normal now....keeping my pig trotters crossed!!!

Life, does it have any meaning?

What is the reason for our presence on this earth?

For ourselves, our loved ones, for money, for society, for food, for work, for fun, for religious purpose or because we don't have a choice cos we don't chose to be born?

Few nights ago, I was lying in bed, trying to imagine what it means to be dead. I stopped breathing, shut off all noise with my small pillow and laid still. As I laid down there, pretending to be dead, there was no longer a griping fear in my heart (I tried this exercise when I was in Primary school and I was so frightened that I cried). Why? Why was there a change in reaction? I thought to myself for days. Maybe because after 20 something years, I have live life, seen life, love life and experience life, many of my goals are fulfilled. But of course, I still have some unfulfilled ones but compared to when I was a kid.....*smile

All humans go through this cycle - we are born, we live and we died. Given this cycle, many of us chose death as a solution to our life problems. But what makes dying so frightening is that when you lay on your deathbed, you have regrets, you have goals unfulfilled. If goals are our reason for existence, why chose death if they are unfulfilled?

We should be glad that we are now standing on this planet, living in our community, and given a chance to fulfil our life goals. We must make our existence worth. Agree?

It is up to us to make meaning out of our life.

"The meaning of life is not to be discovered only after death in some hidden, mysterious realm; on the contrary, it can be found by eating the succulent fruit of the Tree of Life and by living in the here and now as fully and creatively as we can." - Paul Kurtz

I am so frustrated!!!

I am frustrated!!!!! Not at myself but at my fren. Argh....very pissed.

I have been talking to this fren of mine, trying to encourage her, trying to get her out of negativity. After half a year, I am on the verge of throwing the towel....please, XX, dun make me do that.

Anything and everything I say, she will reply with negative statements. " i don't know what to do," "I can't handle this," blah blah and many more..... She attributes it to her past, she is afraid of going through the same stage and clings on to a relationship unworthy of her attention.

C'mon, Life is just not about having a man....there are still so many things in this world to enjoy. If you want to see change, you MUST first be the change.

P.S. I hope she sees this entry. Hrmp!!

I've found my life charger

I went to NUS on Wednesday. Went to the library to borrow some books.

NUS never fails to rejuvenate me each time I go.

i went into the lib, went in between the shelves, look at the books and a nostalgic feeling came up. Made me think abt the past when i was doing my undergraduate, when i was doing masters.
Shiok!

And then i purposely walked to Soci dept . As i walked along corridor, looking at each prof's name on the door, a thought came to my mind. I LOVE STUDYING!!

I found my life charger and if my battery runs low, I know where to go for power up!!

A bag of old bones

Ysterday went for my first pilates class with Fly. After hearing so many horror stories from Tealeaf, we went into the room with apprehension, especially me! I have nothing, apart from jelly like fats!!!

Anyways, we went into the class and laid our mats on the floor and await for the class to start. The instructress is demanding yet friendly. She is encouraging, correcting porkie's posture every now and then. I was heaving and perspiring profusely even with the air con on.

At last, the class ended.....Porkie's tired BUT she is very high. I think the sudden rush of endorphines are at work.

I am expecting to ache all over the next day ( which is today and boy, even a slight movement is so painful now)....

Porkchop Power!!!

Murphy's Law.....I refuse to believe

Jan mentioned that when you are about to be sucessful, there are bound to be hindrances or obstacles blocking your pathway to sucess.

These few days after my tw trip has not been very smooth. Fly having some problems with her prospects, my (1+5)'s son is down with high fever, my auntie n cousin decline my invitation to be in this biz ......

BUT, I refuse to believe that it is Murphy's law at work!!

1) (1+5) son's sick but he agrees to meeting up next week.
2) Cyn is coming for TCm class
3) Maybe is still keen to explore the biz
4) Fly has more prospects coming down next week

and that means i have a busy week ahead. This week is just planting the seeds, wait for it to germinate over the weekend and flowers will bloom next week!

That is what I call "Mindset change" and "Never say die"

Self discovery trip

Read my last blog entry? Porkie's going tw and she is so looking forward to the sights and food over there.

One week later...Porkie's back from tw and guess what??!! She lost 1 kg. Hey! not much considering I went to a country famous for its street makan!!!

Anyways, my tw trip had been awesome!!! Awesome is still too weak an adjective to describe. I went there feeling confused over where my business is heading towards but came back feeling very charged up and raring to cheong.

The 2D1N course by mummy (hey dun be mistaken, I am not under some social escort thingy!!) brought porkie on a journey of self discovery. My questions were all answered during this course and I found out the real meaning behind my business. It is not about money making, it is about bringing people happiness, benefiting them with a financial vehicle that allows them early retirement. In my platform that I am in, I feel their genuine love and concern. In the course, I overcome my fear of public speaking, shed my inhibitions and find more meaning for my existence. All these were possible because of change in mindset. I found courage to tell A my feelings, tell Brownie how much I appreciated him and tell my bro how much I care about him.

Sounds very profound?

Attend the next tw course with me in Sept 05

Porkie's going Taipei

One more day to go. Oh no! In fact, 12 more hours and Porkie will be up, preparing to go to Changi Airport. So excited!!!

Today really no mood to work. Was surfing the net and chatting with Fly on where to go when we are at Taipei. Even maybe noticed that I was not in the mood to work. Hiak!!

Smelly toufu, oyster mee sua, oyster egg, tw sausages, pork chop, shihlin, xin meng ding, chang hua, here we come!!!

Forget me Not

Know the flowers, Forget me Not?

Nice flowers ;-)

According to an Austrian legend, 2 lovers were walking along Danube when the girl saw a small flower floating in the water. The girl, who was always had her ways, wanted the boy to get the flower for her. He dived into the water but was swept away by the current. Using all he can and his last spurt of energy, he reached for the flower and tossed it to his sweetheart, saying,
"Forget me Not!"

Wat are friends for?

1) Playing mahjong
2) Sharing good food
3) Talking nonsense
4) Motivation
5) Catching up
6) Making you feel frustrated and upset (but that is because you care enough for them to feel this way)

Happy that yesterday I was able to chat and catch up with one of my good buddy on the virtual highway. I was thinking hard, trying to recall how long I've known this friend of mine. 4 years...four solid years. Can rem the days we spend walking around AMK central and talking nonsense in the office. I was still studying for my masters that time and she just graduated. Time flies but glad we still keep in contact.

Actually come to think of it, I do not have much friends, unlike Brownie. He always encourages me to go out and meet more pple, know more friends. But seriously I am contented to be with my books, my 3 best frens from the force (Tail, Underground and P zai) and my existing, rather small circle of friends.

"Friends are like the bacon bits in the salad bowl, the toppings on your ice cream." Yummy

Sicky Brownie

Brownie's sick and on MC today.

Porkie's kaypoh and decided to work from home, to accompany Brownie.

Poor brownie....he was running a fever and was very noisy the whole of last night. Sighing, talking to himself, tossing and turning. Porkie, being a very light sleeper, was highly irritated by him and gave him a taste of my "wu ying pig trotter". Very strong and hard kicks. But he is not aware.

Ha ha stupid brownie !!!

Sweet Brownie

Just received an sms from Brownie. Was telling him that it has been a long time since we go "jalan jalan." He replied. and here's an excerpt of his sms"....we can go watch a show or go shopping. Anywhere also can cos I wanna spend time with you."


Hee ......Sweet brownie

Nostalgic moments

7pm
Very happy today cos my god bro and god sister came to have dinner with us. It had been a long time since we spoke so much nonsense together. The table was filled with laughter and joy. My brother, me, waw and elm.....the fantastic 4!!

8.51pm
Here I am sprawling on my bed and in front of the computer, feelings of nostalgia overwhelmed me. The good ole days, when waw and elm were still young and my mum was still looking after them, flashed like old cinema images in my mind. Waw- the sweet young cute toddler who takes forever to finish her food and Elm - the chubby, lovable and yellow mee mee boy. I miss those days when I get to play with them after school. Both of them never fail to cheer me up when I was down. 14 years ago........

Cabbages ain't garbage

I am not exactly a veggie lover. In fact, I don't eat vegetables that are white in colour, I eat only GREEN ones. So cauliflower and cabbages (greenish white is also out) are out. They are yucky and tasteless. I love only spinach, yes the veg that makes Popeye strong. However, what I saw on TV mobile today may hopefully erase my disdain for cabbages.

Cabbages are full of goodness. They can:

1) Cure ecezma - Mash some cabbage and apply it on affected areas.
2) Stimulate skin cells for a brighter skin
3) Prevent breast cancer
4) Aid weight loss (surprising when I keyed in cabbage in my search engine, the results I got are all on cabbage and diet)

*Disclaimer: Any views expressed here are solely of Porkie's and if you guys out there want to try, it is at your own risk.

"Pretties" in the Land of Smiles

My first contact with this noun, "Pretties" was 2 years ago when I first went to BKK's motorshow with Brownie and A. Who are the pretties? They are pretty Thai ladies who are on the higher end of the weighing scale. Instead of getting mega slim and attractive models to promote their brand of lorries, this company got the pretties to promote the heavy weights (pun intended)

Just now, I saw this documentary on the first dance troupe in Thailand made up of plump ladies. Some were pleasant looking, others less. As they were dancing away on the stage, the audience were covering their mouth and bending over with laughter. Was their performance that exhilarating or it was their jiggling fats? I think it was the latter.

Being in the same catergory as them, I suffered silently for many years. When I was in my teens, it was worse with my superthick lens. Now, my contacts are able to give me most of my confidence back. Body image is extremely important to the self esteem of an individual. When you look good, you feel good and you are confident. Like what Simone De Beauvoir said, "To lose confidence in one's body is to lose confidence in oneself." I don't score lowly on Rosenberg's self esteem scale because I believe that besides body image, there are many factors that contribute to self confidence. Hiak!

ALSO, there will be a day when people notice me because of my brains and not because I am hard to miss due to my size.

Thank God it's Friday

We often heard pple exclaiming,"Thank God, its Friday!" Why is Friday such a much awaited day? Is it because it is the end of our working week?

Human are such contradicting beings. We often wish that time will not pass so fast, so that we can do as many enjoyable things as we could and spend as much time as we can with our loved ones. However, don't you realise that for the most part of the week, we are wishing that time passes faster?!

I am fortunate that my life gets better as I age...From a hectic airforce officer, a sympathetic welfare officer, an Orchard road youth officer to a intellectual (I hope!) RA.....life's been really good to porkie and porkie is holding on to every minute and every second of her life dearly.

Live life to the fullest!

A memoir of senses

I went to a bookstore yesterday with Fly. As usual books never fail to excite me, more so when I saw my long awaited book, standing upright in the shelf, beckoning to me....."GRAB ME...porkie"

Read the first 2 chapters of the book last night. Great book. Talks about the correlations (correlations?!) between food and desires, how food can be used to stimulate your desires...and a very interesting piece of information to share...

Have you ever wonder why the symbol for female is a circle and a plus sign on top? O+ According to the book, in medieval times for modesty reasons, females were made to wear undergarments with an cross like opening on their wedding night!!

Porkie's ran out of inspiration for new entry

Work in progress......

Trials and Tribulations of Porkie's dieting - Day 2

Terrible - That's the only adjective that can be used to describe porkie.

Breakfast - Nil. Porkie woke up late, 9.15am and Porkie's tuition is at 10am

Lunch - 11.30am. Nasi Lemak, with ikan bilis, fried eggs and long beans. Yummy

Afternoon tea - 1pm. Ba Chang and 1 bowl of green bean soup

Dinner - 7.30pm. Went to S Sushi with Brownie.

Supper - 9.45pm. 2 small bowls of green bean soup.

And as Porkie's writing this blog, she is thinking of the ice cream inside the fridge. Butter Pecan ice cream from Ben and Jerry's....Delicious

*oink oink

Porkie's having fun blogging

Porkie has an idea, she is going to document her trials and tribulations of her dieting here in this blog......

Today marks the second day of porkie's detox plan....just finished drinking S.P...Porkie bought a nice notebook to record her progress.....Earlier in the evening, went over to mum's place to measure her weight and even used a measuring tape to measure the circumference of her arms, thighs, tummy and hip...Porkie's going to experiment...She will try the S.P together with the slimming gel and see if it works.....

"Stay tune to the Trials and Tribulations of Porkie's dieting.."

Brownie Brownie.... Where art thou?

It is close to gall bladder replenishing time and brownie is still not back from work. Porkie's very BORED!!

I've finished sweeping, mopping, washing the bed sheets and all possible housework and brownie is still working. May/June is Brownie's peak months; very busy with lots of shows. He works LATE every night, comes back at 10pm and after his supper/dinner and bathe, he is back at the study room working again.

*Porkie shaking her pig trotters and waiting for brownie

What a close shave

Phew !! What a close shave porkie had earlier. I forgot my user name...too many blogs and I am not exactly young.....

After trying numerous times and exhausting all the plausible user name in my pig's brain, I decided to call upon the help of ......the ever reliable "Forget your password" section. A few clicks and an email...I'VE GOT THE HINT TO MY USERNAME!!!!

Phew, what a close one that was.....I was so close to not fulfilling my resolution and not living up my promise to Fly....

;-)

Back again!!

This is so sad....every year, my new year resolution is to document my happenings in life in a nice perfumed notebook....and every year, I start the new year, full of hope.......full of hope and confident that I CAN DOCUMENT MY LIFE HAPPENINGS....but i always end up having just the first few pages filled up....sorry diary

AND since the lastest craze is blogging...i decide to change my diary writing into BLOGGING....alas...the result is still the same...for this year, I have started ...let me see....at least 5 blogs...and none survived beyond 10 entries....so sad...BUT porkie giving herself another chance and ....

May this blog be the one that porkie fulfils her resolution